For awhile now I have had many different emotions about life & business.  It is so incredibly difficult to balance work and family, especial when that work is always with you.  It can become an obsession.  Always worrying about emails, Facebook, Twitter, my blog, my website, and how I may be coming across on all of those things.  I usually only release the good stuff, you know upbeat posts about my day and recent images I have taken.  I more and more am struggling behind closed doors.

Over the last week, today especially, I have found a few posts others have made public about how they have had to step back.  Sarah Rhoads post hit me like a ton of bricks.  She talked about how she was effected by posts others were making on twitter and Facebook about how great business is and how that made her feel like she was never good enough.  I’m right there.  I see others great success and how fast their business is growing and I feel like I’m stuck.  Then I start down that ‘why not me’ road.  A very sad road to be on.

Fear.  It has made me insecure.  I am one in a sea of many and navigating that is hard.  How do I show who I truly am?  I am sure I do not come across well online.  I never get the reaction that I am hoping for.  I’m completely unsuccessful at getting my readers engaged into conversations.  It is kind of hard to converse when all I’m putting out there is ‘here is this awesome photo I took today!’ or ‘I finished my to do list by 10am!’.  Being real with all of you is frightening.  You can only imagine how many times I have read this post as I’m writing, deleting and editing and reading again.  I have decided though that I need to come clean, get real, and get personal.

Today I made a spreadsheet.  That’s right a spreadsheet.  I am now going to force myself to only focus on social media for one hour pr day during the week.  This may sound like a lot (I think it does) but when my iPhone dings and pings every few minutes with something someone has emailed, pinned, posted, or tweeted I bet I spend hours in these black holes.  I am hoping that by stepping back and limiting this exposure to noise that I can regain my confidence and focus on what is more important.  I have all these ideas and changes that I want to make in life and business.  So I have created a routine for my day to help me focus.  There is time to focus on my family, my house, myself, and my business.  A time to email and a time to pin.  A time to put puzzles together with my daughter and a time to watch a movie with my husband.  Sounds crazy right?  I think so too but I’m determined to take back control.

Today the Hewlett Fire in the foothills near Fort Collins had quite the plume of smoke in the sky.  I had to photograph it because I have never seen such a sight.  We have had plenty of forest fires over the years we have lived here but today was impressive.  I can not really call it pretty because it’s spreading so quickly and so many people are putting their lives in danger to fight it.  I mostly just wanted to document the show it was putting on today.

This image was created using the Canon 5D Mark II and the Lensbaby Edge 80 Optic.  A new lens that I am quickly falling in love with.

I have wedding fever!  Badly!!  I can not wait for June to get here so that I can photograph my first wedding for the season.  I was going through some images that I had taken last summer and realized that I never shared a complete post of the styled shoot I photographed for Tonia of Luell.  Last fall she launched her Bridal Collection, she is amazingly talented, and you can check out a few pieces in her Etsy Store if you are interested in purchasing.

This gorgeous model is Alecia and she was so awesome to get her wedding gown back out and let us photograph her in it again.  She is so beautiful and with her blonde hair I loved the black accessories Tonia put on her.

Since I have wedding fever I will be sharing more images from this shoot throughout the next few weeks.

All images were taken with the Fuji X10 camera (I will be doing a review soon) and processed with VSCO Film.

Josh and Bethany had a gorgeous wedding at the Fort Collins Country Club here in Colorado a year ago.  Their wedding was my first for the season and I was so nervous.  Coming back from a long winter and we did not have the opportunity to meet before their wedding day I was a wreck.  But I can remember walking into the room where the girls were getting ready and they instantly made me feel like family and from that moment on I have enjoyed getting to know their families over this last year.  You see, this summer I am photographing Bethany’s little sister’s wedding in Nebraska and I could not be more excited to see these two again.  They now are a family of 3!!

Josh and Bethany, I hope your first year of marriage has been filled with wonderful memories and congratulations on the birth of your adorable son!  I hope your first Mother’s Day was a wonderful one!!

To see more images from their wedding day please click here.  Their wedding was also featured on the Couture Colorado blog.

You are amazing.  You are loved.  You are a gift!

I am pretty excited for today!!  It is not even 8:00am and I’m completely ready, gear is packed, and my chai has been made.  Today I get to spend the day with my Mom and we are headed to the Denver Botanical Gardens.  We have talked for years about going there but just never do but today we are making it happen.  Plus I have this new little toy that I am really excited to play with!  My first impression is … COOL! … but it is taking some getting use to.  I’m hoping that after today I will have a better grasp as to how to use this type of lens and show you some images that hopefully I’m proud of.  :)

Thank you to everyone who entered the Giveaway!  I am sure there will be more in the future.

We made our yearly trip to the Butterfly Pavilion in Denver this last weekend & have never had so much fun!!  I’ll post more pics soon.  :)

There really is nothing more relaxing for me then shooting flowers in my home at 7:30am.

Happy Sunday Everyone!